We dissect the allure of backyard weddings while shining a light on the practicalities that often get overlooked.
Join us as we discuss the unique challenges and rewarding experiences of planning and hosting a DIY backyard wedding. From muddy escapades to weathering unexpected storms, we explore the highs and lows of turning blank spaces into wedding venues.
Want more about planning a backyard wedding? Check out Ep. 17, "Planning a Backyard Wedding": https://putaringonitpodcast.com/episodes/017-2
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00:00
Hey, ringers, welcome to the Put a Ring on a Podcast, where we are all about sharing helpful and practical tips for anyone and everyone planning a wedding. I'm Dan Moyer of Daniel Moyer Photography. And I'm Danielle Pasternak of DPNAK Events. What are we talking about today, Dan? Today we are talking about backyard weddings. And by backyard weddings, I mean DIY weddings. And by DIY weddings, I actually mean...
00:25
Anytime that you're creating a wedding in a place that is not necessarily the place that you would have a wedding, like a wedding venue, it's like I'm going to turn this basketball gym into a wedding, I'm going to turn my backyard into a wedding venue, I'm going to turn this clothing shop into a wedding venue. That's what we're talking about today. That is a very long title for this episode.
01:02
Okay, so Danielle, I want to explore this topic from a multitude a wide variety of perspectives. One of the perspectives is that it's going to be easier to create a wedding in my backyard because I don't have to do this or that. Another one is how much work actually goes into it to it's like, what what kind of unique things that's number three, sorry, what kind of unique things you have seen. And and number four is just
01:32
what you think the benefits are. So let's reel way back up and go back to the first one, which is like, you have coordinated many weddings where some where you just walk into a wedding venue and they're ready to go. Other ones where you're transforming a whole entire venue. So let's talk about when just some of the ones that you've seen and some of the transformations that you have done as a wedding planner. Oh my goodness. Well,
01:58
Like you said, we kind of do them all different places. Most commonly when we are taking a space and building everything from the ground up where you're bringing in things that make people comfortable like tables and chairs and tents and restrooms and lighting, everything like that that's often happening either on someone's property or in a big open space like a backyard.
02:21
Or we've also done it in spaces where you're kind of renting a big old space and they say, here are the keys and you have to bring everything else in, including, you know, catering and food and kitchens and all that stuff. So we've kind of done a whole bunch of different stuff along those lines. Some on the like smaller scale, some on the really, really massive scale, but we're really bringing in, you know, generators and all that type of thing. But yeah, I've seen.
02:49
The things I've seen. They're hard. They're really hard weddings. Actually this year, um, for 2023, I committed to not taking any type of backyard or on property event weddings because last year plus, uh, compounding with COVID and all the postponements that kind of happened.
03:12
we ended up doing quite a lot and they're a ton of fun and they're also a lot of work, especially on my team and I, because we're ending up playing a lot of roles that otherwise exist when you're working at a regular venue, which is fine, but it is also super exhausting from a physical standpoint, a mental standpoint, an emotional standpoint. You're just having to wear a lot of hats in order to make sure the day goes well. And...
03:36
when you need something, you are the person you need to turn to. If the power goes out, you can't look at the venue. I mean, that would be an extreme situation, but if the power goes out, like you're the person that has to fix the generator. There is no one else on site to fix the generator is how I look at it. So it's a lot. So this year I committed to not taking any, I took a little bit of a break. We're still doing ones where we're in buildings where we're really bringing in a lot of different stuff, but not ones where we're actually
04:04
dealing with the mother nature elements of it too on top of it. Gotcha. So that's really interesting because I feel like most people, I think people maybe have like a backyard wedding or some kind of like a DIY wedding, maybe for one of two reasons. Some of the ones I think of is like, one, there's a lot of sentiment to the space, right? So it's a parent's backyard. Like that's a lot of the ones that I've done are the couple's backyard. They love their own space.
04:33
or it's their parents' backyard and they really have had this like dream of wanting to get married in their parents' backyard, blah, blah, blah. The other one is just that they think it's going to be easier. It's just going to be like, well, it's like it's just it's like we're throwing like a big picnic. We're just going to like do the thing in the backyard. It's going to be fine. But then once you start thinking about like, where are 150 people going to go to the bathroom? Where are, you know, a hundred cars going to park? All that kind of stuff. Can we like start unpacking this that
05:03
Maybe there's like a pros and cons list and let's talk about like the cons first of this idea. Like it's going to be easier. It's going to be cheaper. But once all these little things start adding up, it's not so much cheaper or easier. I find in my experience that the idea of planning a wedding on property comes from exactly what you said. What I think is always important to consider there is when it's your own property or when it's your family's property.
05:32
unless it's a place that has hosted events before, sometimes going into it for the first time, you learn a whole lot about your property, like where there's pipes in the ground that you can't put a tent up, or where suddenly your ground gets really soggy when it rains the whole week of your wedding. You kind of learn all these really fun things that become quite stressful as you go, unless you've done it a bunch of times there, which is where when you're doing it at a venue, you don't have to have that learning curve of figuring all that out, they've done it before.
06:00
So the idea of having it on your property can be nice. It can be sentimental, but it's also a lot of wear and tear on the property, especially when you're looking at, like you said, having a hundred plus people there. It's not even just parking for those hundred people. All the vendors that are coming in also need to park their car somewhere. So even if you are shuttling every single person in, vendors still need to have their car somewhere. So it's just, it is a lot of wear and tear on the property that I think...
06:27
when kind of going into it for the first time especially, you don't kind of quite realize it. I also think that a lot of couples that I talk with start with the idea of a backyard wedding and with the idea of it being simple and it being just really intentional on the things that, it feels almost more casual, it feels a little bit more, not picnic-y, cause that's not it, but like a backyard barbecue style thing. And then it kind of always,
06:57
in my experience starts to transform and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger as they realize more and more things that they may or may not need because it's not just bringing in a caterer. It's bringing in plates and ovens so the caterer can cook and forks so people can eat it and you know, buffet tables or there's so many alcohol and like bar and like coolers for the alcohol and where does the ice coming from?
07:22
It just really starts to snowball when you start looking at the idea of hosting that many people at your event because it's all a lot of things. I think a lot of times as a guest, there's certain expectations around weddings, which may or may not be correct as far as I'm concerned. Sometimes I think I was actually having this thought a lot this weekend.
07:43
after wedding on my drive home decompressing, I was like, have we done, have we like ruined weddings for everyone getting married? Like, what have we done? Have we turned it into too much? Like it's all become so far from what it used to be of just being two people getting married and then everybody coming together to celebrate it. Like we have a lot now. There's, you know, if you're bringing in a tent, does that tent need a floor? It probably needs lighting if it's gonna.
08:09
be taking place at any point in the evening because people need to be able to see. You need entertainment of some sort. Does that a band or a DJ? Where is that band or DJ getting power from? That can't be the same power often as where the lighting's getting power from because it's too much voltage on one thing. The things I have learned about electricity, let me tell you. But it's a lot and I think it starts off with really good intentions. I think...
08:36
more often than not, it comes from a place of wanting to do it from an affordable standpoint. And almost every single time, if I've talked to a couple, my own client or otherwise, after the fact, they have expressed some sort of like, we probably would have saved quite a lot of money if we just went to a venue. And that's okay. That's what we that's the choices that we make and how we get to the end goal is up to us.
09:04
but it's very rare that I see someone go, yeah, we saved a ton of money by DIYing this ourselves. Yeah, and that's not to say like don't do it. If they didn't have like gray hairs coming out of them. Yeah, it's not to say don't do it, but it's just like going into it, the idea that it's gonna be simpler and downplayed and cheaper, I think is.
09:23
unrealistic. Unless you unless you really, really stick to like, this is what it's going to be. We're just going to have some people over, it's going to be a backyard barbecue that we're going to cook or my dad's going to cook and like, and like, that's it. But even then, it's like, okay, we're the people going to bathroom, how to get right. Yeah. But so I'm thinking this year, I had a backyard wedding and this couple had postponed three times this was their, they're supposed to they got married.
09:52
during COVID like on a boat, just like them, a photographer and somebody else. And then they had a kiddo and then they had another kiddo and that caused some postponements and stuff. And they just had this like, they had this, they moved in this beautiful big home. And on the day, so the night before was like a rehearsal plus a Jewish ceremony. And we were supposed to do pictures beforehand and they had a tent set up. They had like this bar.
10:19
bar trailer thing that was put back into their driveway. It was amazing. And I got there. And it was like, chaos, because it had started to rain. And you know, the groom was like doing a lot of the work to try to get things ready. The bride was like, this is my worst nightmare. And and we like work through that, right, because that's a very valid feeling. And I think it's really easy for a lot of wedding pros and for friends to be like,
10:42
like throw those like normal lines out. Oh, it's it's good luck. It's good. Yeah, it's your past boyfriends crying like any of that stuff. And so I just like validated her feelings. And I was like, this is what we're gonna do. Here's our options. And it got sunny out a little bit. And we got some of the pictures in and we made things happen. They were beautiful. And then the rest of the night was fine. Then the next day was just like the big party, the big reception. Well, you know, there's now instead of just a little thing where everybody's coming in to hang out.
11:12
It was raining again and the tent was not fully set up yet. They were still setting everything up. So where are these like a hundred people going to go? They started going into the house and then it was, well, you know, we have these bathroom, this bathroom trailer that's set up outside and people aren't using that and there's, you know, they, in order to get to the bar cart, you have to walk out of the tent and it was raining and
11:37
And then it cleared up and it got beautiful for a while and it was great and it was awesome. And then in the middle of the speeches, it was full blown downpour. And so there's like people that were hanging up gutters between these tent sections and stuff during it. And like if you if you ask the couple, they would say that it's that now looking back on it, that it was amazing. And it's like, oh, you know, it is what it is. They have a really beautiful outlook on it. But it was a lot. It was a lot of like, you know, them standing in the rain outside the tent waiting to be introduced.
12:07
And, you know, the person who was introducing them, not doing an introduction, doing a five-minute speech to introduce them. And it was like all these like silly little things that, that you are unexpected for it to happen. But like, so I don't want this episode to turn into like, oh, it's the worst thing ever, because there's definitely good that's going to come out of it. I think it's about managing expectations, which is what we're trying to get on and what you've been saying. Right. I think so much of planning an on property event
12:36
revolves around it being a really great day weather-wise. I think depending on where you live, there's certain places in the world where that is more common. And then there's other places like here in Pennsylvania where you can just as easily have a sunny 72 degree day as you can a 40 degree rainy day with like wind. And when you're talking about hosting an event, that type of uncomfortable weather plays a really big role in
13:05
what needs to happen, what needs to keep guests comfortable and what needs to keep everybody safe. So yeah, I think so much planning goes into the idea that like, well, it's gonna be sunny that day. And I'm always like, yes. And what happens if it's not? Because we can't wait until that day to decide what happens when it's not. We can plan for both things. And that's kind of what you need to do. You need to have these constant, constant backup plans to backup plans to what if this happens and what if this happens?
13:35
Oftentimes you don't just have a big enough building to run into. Like if you're in a metal tent and it starts to thunderstorm, technically you need to have a place to evacuate everybody to for at least 20 to 30 minutes to make sure that nobody gets electrocuted unless the tent is grounded, which I have very, very limited knowledge of. That is a tent company question that I ask, but you need to make sure that you have that option.
14:03
available if especially when you look at things taking place in the summer, it's really hot. Anytime you've got really hot weather, you've got a chance of thunderstorms here in Pennsylvania. I know other places are relatively similar too, but it's just so many things you can control about planning a wedding and then there's so many things that you cannot. Weather is probably the biggest piece of all of that and boy can mother nature. She can show up sometimes to a wedding man.
14:32
Boy, can she show up. Yeah. Okay, so so you're talking about, you know, here's like this number one thing, the wedding day is going to be the the success, quote unquote, of the wedding day is going to be reliant on whether one of some of the other things that you need to our couples who are undertaking this needs to start thinking about in terms of like, okay, if I'm going to have a backyard wedding, I'm up for the challenge is really exciting. Like I know one of my couples
15:01
three sisters, nope, only two of the three sisters got married in the backyard. It was very special. They did lots of work leading up to it. And, and, you know, they did all kinds of fun things, like they cleared out this whole one section and put a canoe out and then filled the canoe with sodas and drinks and all stuff and then put ice inside that. So they have these fun, quirky little things that they loved and they cleared out a section for the ceremony, blah, blah, blah. What I'm wondering is what are the things that couples need to do to start checking off to
15:31
I'm up for this challenge. I want to make sure this goes. This goes as well as it can. What are the things that I need to start thinking about? Do we have enough time? The face if y'all could see the face I'm making to Dan right now. It's a tough question to answer. Yep. And I think the best starting point would be to hire somebody who has experience doing backyard or on property events, where
15:58
they can guide you a little bit more specifically to the space you have, the type of event you want to have, the scale you wanna have it at, because it can be really daunting if you're going into it completely new with only kind of the Google at your fingertips, because there's a lot of really bad information out there. And I think having somebody who's knowledgeable on it is the best starting point. If you don't have that, I think it's a type of thing where you probably want to... Make a list.
16:29
Yeah, you really need to make a list. I really would strongly say that you need somebody there that's going to help you through it who's seen it before. And maybe that's a friend or family member. I think what comes top of mind, which I don't think is what you were trying to get me to say, but what comes top of mind is when that day comes and that week leading up to it, there's going to be a lot that's sitting on your plate. And the more that you're going to be able to delegate,
16:55
is going to be really helpful because you're going to reach a certain point where you're going to have to, you're going to throw your arms up in the air and be like, I just can't do this anymore. So having someone or someones to pass those things off with to deal with is going to be something that you're going to probably want and need to set up early on for yourself so that you can turn to that person and say like, I need help here because I think the biggest thing of all of this is
17:23
with anybody planning a wedding is there's like a mental health aspect to it as well. Yeah. That this is a big day. Yeah, this is a big day in your life. And that doesn't mean it's gonna be a perfect day. It doesn't even mean it's gonna be a great day, but you do need to survive the day in a way that you feel good about because it's a big life day at the end of it all. And having somebody that you can turn to with some of that is really needed. Yeah, actually, so a fair point to make.
17:51
is that the couple I was just mentioning a little bit ago, they had like the two rainy, rainy days, the Friday night and Saturday, they hired an event company to that does all this. All they that company does is they bring everything to you. That was that's their whole thing. They have like a sort of like a planner, but it's almost like a venue on wheels, like they have the cart, they have the tents, all that stuff. And then the other couple, the two sisters who got married in the backyard, I think it was an uncle who owned a
18:18
like a rental agency. So like they like they know somebody who brought in the tent, they know about all the chairs and all that kind of stuff. They and that couple now actually owns that rental agency. But yeah, they had somebody who knew what was going on. But what I'm hearing is that this is like, this is a community effort. And so you really have to have some other people on board with doing this as well, that it's not just falling on you because if everything is about the two of you having to
18:47
be the maestros of the whole day, you're not even gonna get to enjoy it because everybody's gonna come into you saying, you know, this is happening with the bathrooms, this is happening with the power, this is happening with the food, what do you wanna do with this? And that already happens on a wedding day, but it's gonna happen times 10 if you're the one who's planning the whole day as well. Right, it's not even like, I'm a person who, anybody who knows me would argue, I like being the maestro of a day. I like, if I host events, I like having my thumb on everything that's kind of happening.
19:17
And I also know that when I'm at really large scale events, like when we're working weddings, I'm still only one person that can only be pulled in so many different places at one time. When I'm at a wedding, I've got a team of at least one, two, three other people there with me, depending on the scale of the event, to make sure that if I'm being pulled one way and something else is needed across the room or another building or whatever it is, there's another person there that can take care of it. And this is my profession, it's what I do well. Until I can figure out how to clone myself, that's what...
19:46
That's what I need to do in order to make sure that I'm still getting through the day in a way that I feel good about too. So when you are also the person who is one of the people getting married or the two people getting married here, and like Dan said, the bathrooms break, y'all, that happens. That is a very real thing. I have mopped up water when a toilet has overflowed in a bathroom. We have been troubleshooting, why is the air conditioning not working in a bathroom? There are so many things that can go wrong.
20:14
while you will want to be the person that fixes it because if you're a person that's a good feeling, I get it, you're still then like, what if you're about to walk down the aisle? You can't stop because a bathroom is suddenly overflowing. I mean, you could, but like that's going to be a really, really stressful situation to put yourself in. So yeah, it's definitely that. I mean, yeah, you're really building a space up from nothing, so it's hard to think of all that.
20:43
Going in. Yeah, it's OK. OK, so now that we've gotten all the disclaimers out all of our big. Oh, honey, I got a whole lot more. This episode has to be under 30 minutes. We cannot do 30 hours. Yeah, we both have a lot that we can share about this and a lot of like things that we've seen, you know, go wrong and a lot of considerations to think of. But it's like there also are sort of DIY weddings that I have seen that like when
21:12
it comes together, it really comes together in a special way, because it's not like, okay, this is what this venue does, they're working on their timeline, the food's coming out now, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I wanna talk about the sort of the pros of this in terms of like, and maybe this is totally subjective, but I wanna go back to like, you've worked some of these weddings where couples have done this, and what was the outcome from it? Like why did they do that?
21:41
basketball gymnasium, I think that I remember seeing. And there was, you know, another one where you like redid a whole store, like a clothing store, and you moved racks out and all this stuff. You know, that's got to be exciting for these couples, you know? It is. I think the simplest statement there is like, these on property events are these type of events where you're really bringing everything in. It's like high risk, high reward.
22:07
There's a lot that can go wrong, but there's also a lot that can go right because as the couple you're in a position to really customize the day in a way that works for you. I mean within a few parameters usually, but you're really able to say like, hey, we want this party to go until 3 a.m. if there's no zoning issues in your township and your guests want to do that. It can that be like, hey, this whole thing turns into a sleepover afterwards. You can really make it.
22:34
into what you want it to be. You can customize it, you know, really, as far as your heart goes, and as much as your budget will allow to make sure that it's exactly what it is you want. So that is one of the pros about it. For sure, you're able to create something that no one has seen before that probably no one has been to before in a way that's that's that could be really, really fun to experience from both your standpoint and from the guest standpoint. Yeah, it's funny, like you have full control.
23:04
And it all comes down to you. But you also have full control. And you can do whatever you want. You can break tradition, you can create an experience for couples, or for your guests who are, you know, like you said, can can see something that they've never seen before. And I think that you know, like, you know, that Rachel and I love to have get together some parties and all that kind of stuff. You know, when we had our rehearsal dinner, it was in our backyard, we had pizza party, we kept it really simple. We had yard games.
23:33
It was June, so it's going to be nice out. We knew it was going to be nice out. Not shut up. Yeah. Shut up. But I think maybe that's one of the greatest rewards here is that, you know, high risk high reward that you have full control and you also have full control. Right? Yeah. Any final thoughts parting wisdom that you're thinking of? Yes. I think it's really easy for me to poop who on on property events.
23:58
And I don't want to be a person that pooh-poos on anything that anybody wants to do. I think though, as a couple and a host of an event, it's important to really look at all of the aspects as much as you can before you really start diving in too far. Because sometimes I see, like I said earlier, I see that snowball start to happen. And as we said throughout this, getting that community together of people that can kind of...
24:23
be that sounding board, be the help you need throughout the process, as well as like getting closer to that day is really one of those things. Of all the types of weddings that can happen, this style of wedding is not the one to be a solo endeavor where there is one person carrying the bulk of the load because it's just, it's just, I don't want to say not possible, but it's just, it's not kind to yourself to do that to yourself. So give yourself the community of people and give yourself the time.
24:53
to really look at everything and make a decision that feels good to you. Because if you go into it knowing, hey, high risk, high reward, or hey, this is going to be a lot of work, but we're people that really like this type of thing, this means a lot to us, and that outweighs the other potential cons that we need to consider, then that's the path forward you take. I just think it's good to shine a light on all the other things to consider so that you do make a decision at the end of the day that you feel good about for the two of you. If you want a much more,
25:22
in depth response. We also have another podcast way, way, way back when. Do you remember what episode it is? Like very early on 2016, October 2016, we put this out episode 17. And it was really like how to like plan a backyard wedding. And so there's a lot of like, this is how you do it. This is what you do. And we definitely got into the similar things that we talked about in this episode. But I think that's another episode that if you're like, okay,
25:50
You know, I want to dive a little bit deeper after you hear this episode, go back episode 17. You can listen to that one as well. I probably just as jaded in that one. It is a lot. And like, you know, when we see on this side, like I would love to hear what a guest who was at like a backyard wedding would say. Sure. Because like, I'd be very curious because I think the wedding that I was just at it, like people thought it was fun that it was raining. And I mean, some of the parents weren't super excited that they're like,
26:18
the four posts of the chairs were digging into the mud and they were like starting to sink back and they needed to get two by fours to like put the chairs on top of and stuff. But people had muddy feet and they were dancing and they had, you know, everybody took off their fancy shoes and put flip flops on and they were walking around and there's funny pictures of people walking through the rain. And I think people owned it and it was an adventure, but some people might not like that experience. So I don't know. In my experience too, we've had the exact same experience happen.
26:46
chairs sinking into mud, tables sinking down into mud. We ended up putting hay down. Hay was what we used in order to like kind of start to absorb everything. But the way I'm thinking of in particular, this is years and years ago, the couple kicked off their shoes, got all sorts of muddy. The bride's dress was up to her knees. It was just mud and she was living her best life. The groom was equally happy. And they were probably feeling a little bit of stress,
27:16
honestly, they presented as, hey, we're gonna make the best of this and we're gonna have a really great time. Where they had their wedding was a piece of property that they said never ever flooded and there we were. And it flooded. So, I mean, it wasn't unsafe, but it was not something where you'd be wanting to wear your Jimmy Choo shoes, you know, throughout the whole thing. But because they led with that, like, all right, this is what we're doing and we're just gonna have fun and dance and have a great time,
27:46
I would say 90% of the guests followed the exact same way. Maybe some people might have left early because they were either cold or wet and didn't want to be anymore, but everybody had a really great time. We lit off fireworks the other night. It was a hoot. Even myself, I was barefoot most of the time. Just muddy feet. I didn't care. It was a lot, but it was them kind of leading with that type of energy helped, I think, everybody have a much more...
28:15
a much more enjoyable day despite everything that was happening. Yeah, and but that goes back to like the expectations, right? Like, whatever happens, this is what it is. And like, I'm thinking back to another wedding. And I'm thinking of I'm thinking back to another wedding I'm thinking of that's some good English, Dan. Goodness gracious. To Yeah, same thing. Just the they had rained all week. It was on a like the part of a farm that like the uncle owned or something like that. And from
28:42
the bottom of her dress up to like her knees was all muddy and everybody was muddy and it was hilarious and everybody was fun. Everybody had fun. And I think it's it is what you make of it. There's a thing in psychology called the peak end rule and it impacts like a cognitive bias that people have around like how their perception of the event changes as like as time passes how they remember past events. It's like even though there might be like 75% of the time that might be like not great or stressful.
29:12
They remember it really amazing because of like the 25%. That was like absolutely amazing. And so, you know, it's like every single wedding that I've mentioned or that we've mentioned on this might've been, there's scenarios that could have gone totally awry and very concerning to the couple during, but they look back on it. It's like, well, it happened. It was exactly how it was supposed to happen.
29:37
for whatever went on that day, and they just went with it in stride, and I think it's about just keeping that perspective if this is something that you're gonna do. Agreed. Wanna take us out, Dee? Sure thing. Put A Ring On A Podcast is co-hosted by wedding planner Danielle Pasternak and photographer Daniel Moyer, both based out of the greater Philadelphia area. The show is produced by DPNAK Events, along with Daniel Moyer Photography. Find us on Instagram at Put A Ring On A Podcast and.
30:03
Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Finally, thank you so much for all of your messages, love, and support. We have and always have been cheering for you every step of the way. Until next time, ringers.