We're talking about tipping your wedding pros.
We're taking the "ick" out of talking about money. Specifically, when it comes to showing your gratitude to your wedding pros. We talk through which vendors SHOULD be tipped, MIGHT be tipped, and what to consider when making the determination.
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00:02
Hey, ringers, welcome to the Put a Ring on a Podcast where we are all about sharing helpful and practical tips for anyone and everyone that's planning a wedding. Hey, I'm Dan Moyer, wedding photographer of Daniel Moyer Photography. And I'm Danielle Pasternak, wedding planner of DPNAK Events. What are we talking about today, Dan? Today we're talking about tipping.
00:36
So Danielle, this is kind of like a weird, pseudo icky topic. Why is it icky? Because it's about money, right? And it's about sort of extra money. But I feel like we can take the ick out of that by just coming at it from like a super practical sense of things. And I think we've had conversations about this before and you have a good mind about this. So let's talk about tipping on the wedding day. Who first do we need to tip everybody? Yes. Everybody.
01:05
No, I, this is where this seat look at my brain, my brain's already going a mile a minute over here trying to make an outline. Do we need to tip everybody? No, we do not need to tip everybody. Right. Okay. You certainly could. You certainly could. Yes. But there are probably groups of people who like, like you sort of need to tip and there's some like, maybe you tip them and there's probably ones that are like, no, you don't tip them at all. Right.
01:34
Of course, there's probably some regional differences here, but overall, there's exactly what you said. There's kind of three categories, the ones that really it's as standard of a practice at tipping as it is when you go to a restaurant and eat out or you go get your hair done or your nails done or whatever. So there's like a certain standard with that. There's another category that kind of falls in the often tipped, but not necessarily if it doesn't happen that you're.
01:59
a terrible person or it's going to be really problematic. And then there's the category that is really not typically tipped that said, if you wanted to, nobody's going to say no or be mad about receiving a tip that they weren't expecting, right? So that's kind of what it comes down to. Okay, so before we get into like each of those groups, why do we tip at all? I mean, it's really a great question when you think about it. I think,
02:29
Because so much of what's happening from your vendors on a wedding day is service-based, it falls into the same category as other service-based industries. Anything to do with hospitality, like eating out, getting your hair done, getting a massage, taking your pet to the groomer. I'm trying to think of all the times that you tip people, getting an Uber ride. Those are all, DoorDash, those are all things.
02:58
that we do that's that we pay for that a person provides a service for and then a tip is relatively customary to be added on top of that. Yeah, for the specific person that's like helping the service or whatever, right? Exactly. And I know that there is this myth that or I guess maybe it's not fair to call it a myth. I call it a myth, but there's a common idea that if the person that is providing the service is the business owner,
03:27
then it's not necessary that you also provide them a tip. And with that, I will say that that's kind of true, but if the person that's providing you the service is also the business owner, then that person is still providing the service. It's kind of like, if you think about going out to eat, if you go out to eat, the person who's bringing you your food and taking your order and bringing you drinks and all that, that's the person that you're leaving a tip for, not the owner of that restaurant or bar or whatever it is. But if the...
03:57
if the owner of that place was the person bringing you your food and taking your order and bringing your drinks, then yeah, that would be a very natural thing that you would then give them a tip at the end of that service. So in my viewpoint, it kind of works the same way. If you're working with a company, no, you don't need to tip the owner. But if the owner is the person providing the service, then in many cases, it makes sense that that's the person that you're giving the tip to. So, okay. All right. So let's talk about the
04:23
the professionals who are there on your wedding day who sort of like, you must tip them like it's it's part it's customary. It's part of it, right? Yes. So can I can I say two that I think I would probably know right off the bat? 100% it's gonna be like hair makeup people. Correct. transportation drivers. It depends. Oh, really? I thought that was like a surefire one. Okay, depends because many companies are now putting that right into their contracts. Oh,
04:53
OK. And the last one would be, well, but then service for like the venue or whatever is probably added into the contract as well. It depends. So actually, that's actually a really good place to start. So when you are booking your vendors, there's different line items potentially that you're seeing when there's dollar signs coming off of it. Sometimes it's taxes. Sometimes it's the word service charge.
05:18
Sometimes it's an added gratuity. Sometimes it's just a base one number, that's what it is. In categories particularly like catering or your venue of catering kind of looped in, you're going to often see a line item for a service charge. Some companies will say this is not a gratuity. This is kind of the costs that are covering staffing and planning meetings and that type of thing.
05:46
Others will say, this is an added charge, it includes gratuity, of course, if you want to give any extra, that's up to you. But when you see service charge and it doesn't clearly explain whether or not that's a gratuity or not, the simplest thing to do is just ask the company, hey, is this what that is or is this just covering a service charge? Same thing with transportation. What I'm seeing more and more now in this area is that gratuity is just automatically added in as a separate line item.
06:14
into the invoice and then that way the day of the event, the couple doesn't have to worry about, of all the vendors, I think transportation is sometimes a hard one to get a tip envelope too because they're coming and going, they're dropping off briefly, they're not really on site all day like the photographer is or like the band is. So that's a tricky one. So I think they found that just adding it in honestly kind of saves everybody from having to think about that extra task. But.
06:37
it's not included in there, then yes, you're very right. Transportation is a category that you want to provide a tip to the driver if it's not included in the invoice. Okay, all right, that was a lot. Okay, so, no, you're like, this is why I wanted to talk about this one. I like to crack my knuckles at the beginning. Hold my beer. Me talking about this episode beforehand was like, oh, it's gonna be a simple, easy one. We'll just be able to like breeze right through it. Danielle, hold my beer.
07:07
Yeah. Okay, so those those three pretty much that we sort of like mentioned hair and makeup is like sort of the must, right? The only must the other two were depends. Well, honestly, I guess hair and makeup could honestly be looped into there too. Of the I guess when I say it depends, it's more that you're checking the contracts because those I'm seeing more and more be adding into hair and makeup, I think still hasn't yet done that mainly because I think the hair and makeup industry like the beauty industry overall.
07:35
kind of hasn't made a shift to that. Like if I go get my hair done, the gratuity isn't automatically added into there. I still get to pick it. And I don't think we're gonna see a shift in hair stylist and makeup artists doing that for a little bit longer until that starts to shift more. Okay. Quite frankly. Though I'm sure some do. I'm very sure some do. Okay, so then let's talk about sort of that like middle group where there's like this whole other mess of people who are helping and taking charge and taking care of you on the wedding day and they're a big part of it.
08:05
but it's not necessarily customary. It's almost like, what's the best way to describe it? Like, if you're going above and beyond, you might give them a tip because they worked extra hard or that you loved their service or something like that. Maybe it's that group. Can we talk about them? Yes, so this is your photographers, videographers, planners, DJs, bands. Us. Any, the us. The us. Sometimes.
08:33
Sometimes your officiants, the ones that, the ones that are, they're providing the service, especially the ones that are there for an extended period of time with you throughout the day, they've put in a lot of time with planning efforts. Those are the folks that in the past, I would say it's becoming more and more customary. When I first started, I think it was actually more common that I would receive like a gift or something, which was super, super sweet and very, very thoughtful.
09:03
And then it switched more to just, to be frank, cold hard cash, which I couldn't love more. I mean, the gifts are so thoughtful, but like that cash puts me towards like groceries. It's like all the real things that I can do with that stuff. So if you're teetering on like, ooh, what would a person appreciate more? Think of yourself, right? Like what would you want to receive more if the answer is gift? Then I think that's a good way to move forward. If it's, you know, money, then.
09:31
That's another good way to move forward. But clear thing that's like, Oh my gosh, we had this like funny discussion or whatever. Like, like I got a one of my past grooms was a jewelry, like he designs jewelry and makes it and like cleans it and all that stuff. And I was like, Hey, like, check out my ring. Like I had it made or whatever. He's like, this is beautiful. But you need to take it off more often. Like you don't take it off ever do you and I was like, No, I don't I don't want to take it off. And he's like, when you're doing gardening, take it off when you're in the gym, take it off. He's like, because this is like so beat up.
10:00
And there's like, he's like, around all your settings, it is disgusting, man. So on the wedding day, they pulled me in this little side closet, and he got me this like, ultrasonic jewelry cleaner thing, along with like a little polishing brush. And it was like, very cute, funny, sweet, thoughtful gift. And like, right, it obviously meant a lot to me. But I don't have that same story or connection with every single one of my couples. Right, right. Exactly. And things like that are the things that mean a lot to
10:28
us as your vendors that are there working with you. And I think that little thank you goes so far in filling our tanks because I mean, we can't speak for everybody. I know I can speak for Dan on this one when I say that like we put our soul into helping our clients and making that day as positive and memorable in the best way possible so that they can look back on that day
10:57
nothing but just joy and love and positive memory. So doing that as a professional is super exhausting and draining and to kind of finish the day and have the client give you a really big hug and say thank you and give you that, a tip or whatever it is, it just feels like, I don't care how hard the day was, like thank you so much. Like I will continue going to the ends of the earth for you because.
11:24
You know, even if I don't care if it's $1 sitting in there or even if it's just a thank you card. Yeah. It all just, it means a lot. That idea of sort of leading with gratitude and recognizing, hey, you did a major thing for me today on a day that meant a lot to us and to our families. And we recognize that. I think that's kind of where the gratitude, where tipping comes from in that sense. Yeah, I have hundreds of thank you cards that I still save and still go through and like, I love them.
11:52
And let me just like also just put out there like because obviously the elephant in the room It's like we're two wedding professionals who are talking about tipping people like us, right? Yes And that's a little bit weird like and this is not some backhanded way to be like hey, you know, give us money But this is coming from a place of do you know how many couples ask about how do I tip like? What do I do? How much do I give like what do we and and so that's where this is coming from because a lot of couples are asking us this question or asking especially you Danielle as a wedding planner like
12:22
How much is appropriate? You know, who do I tip appropriately? And so we're answering that question because I know you're out there saying like, oh, well, it's one of those things where like, you don't know what you don't know. So it's like, you'd also don't want to be caught being like, oh, well, this person was supposed to like expecting a tip. And it's like, then I forgot and then that feels awkward. So it's like, here it is, do with the information you want. Okay, I'm sorry. I feel like I cut you off sort of in the middle there where you were talking about the like group of people.
12:51
that like can get tipped, cannot get tipped. Did you cover everything you wanted in that? I did. I think we should probably cover the last category of the ones that aren't maybe tipped necessarily as often though I think adding that into your, your list of people that you're going to tip is actually just a really nice gesture overall and has like good juju attached to it. So let's talk about that. But then I really wanna go down this idea of budgeting a little bit for it. Okay. And
13:20
how to kind of go about doing the tipping. Cause I think that's something that I see really often where maybe hiccups potentially happen. So let's talk about that last category. That last category is the folks that you're are probably not gonna be there throughout the day. They're more the delivery persons, like the person may be delivering your cake, the perhaps the floral team, like if it's not a really big installation, that's like a full team there with you all day long. But if they're just kind of more dropping things off, anybody that's bringing like any type of rental items, things like that.
13:49
is where I would say it's less, it's far less customary that that person should absolutely be tipped. But even just a small envelope of 20, 40 bucks, whatever it is per person, honestly is like, hey, that was really nice of them to do that. They didn't have to do that, but they did it anyway. And I know for some that's like, well, that's still a lot of money. All these little things add up, I totally agree. To me, I come from a place of, I feel like it just puts good juju out for a really nice day.
14:19
And you're recognizing like, hey, you're doing this hard thing. You're doing heavy lifting. You're, you know, going up and downstairs, whatever it is. Thank you for that. Yeah, we had a fence installed sort of like maybe like late twenty twenty, I think the fence was a lot of money. Like, I didn't realize how much fences are to get installed, because I was actually thinking I would do this myself. Welcome to adulthood. Hey. And I was like, you know, we've got these little kids like running around last thing we want us for anybody to run in the street. So we got a fence to keep everybody in. There's a funny saying, it's like.
14:49
fences create better neighbors or something like that. But anyway, yeah. And so we had this fence put in. I remember there was like a crew of guys out there, five or six of them, whatever. And it's hot out there working all day, like they were there all day, like Thursday, all day. I'm like, they're like, they're getting there like seven, and they're leaving at like five, like a long day. And the next day, they're there bright and early again, and they're out there hustling over. And I was like, obviously, they're
15:15
They're saving me a lot of time and a lot of effort. That's why I gave out one out and I gave each of them like 40 bucks. 40 bucks to me is like, that's still 40 bucks. It's awesome. Right. But I know that like they're doing something above and beyond for me. Like, I know they're paid, obviously, to be there. But like they they like were checking with me. They were talking and talking with me like they're just doing all that like extra stuff like, hey, man, this is where we're at. Like, you know, we hit a little snag here, whatever. And I remember just giving that to them. And literally all these guys were like.
15:43
we've never gotten a tip this big before. And I was like, it's only 40 bucks. And literally they lit up. And that was the end of the first day. And all of these guys were like, oh man, thank you so much. And they were shaking my hand and stuff. And that was, I don't know, that, as selfish as it is, that made me feel really good that I saw them, I saw how hard they're working. I knew that 40 bucks would do more for them than it would for me to just keep that in for myself or whatever, you know what I mean?
16:12
job that someone's doing, it's how they're doing the job. Right? That's kind of what it comes down to. And yeah, showing that gratitude is a great thing to do. It's so, it's interesting you say that. I'm always so paranoid of, you know, you get like a plumber that comes to the house, like all these different categories, because we only, I'm relatively new in home ownership. We bought our house in 2016, and it's like, little things are breaking along the way, but you're like, is this a category that I tip? Do I not tip? How much do I tip? Like, is...
16:41
is there an amount, like is $40 rude? Like, I don't know. Is it the equivalent of tipping, you know, like 5% on a, if you were eating out type situation? So that's, it's a really scary thing. I actually have a whole guide. I can put it in the show notes, but it's just dpnak.com/tips. But it kind of lists on their amounts because I can see folks being like,
17:06
I do want a tip and I do want to show gratitude, but I'm scared to be either offensive or give too much effectively and just out of like fear of making sure that I'm not offending this person. So I will put a link to that in the show notes and that kind of helps break it down a little bit further by category as opposed to sitting here and talking through it all. But I would love to get into this idea of budgeting. Please, let's do it.
17:33
So when you're kind of going through at the beginning of the process, you're saying, okay, how much do we wanna spend on flowers? How much do we wanna spend on photography? All these different categories are getting broken out and you say, okay, we wanna spend 7,000 or we have a budget of 7,000 for photography and you go, okay, great. Hey, we found a photographer for $7,000, perfect. Cross that, you know, right on budget. Except that once you get to the wedding day, you would like to give that photographer a gratuity for all the work that they've done.
18:01
Well, now suddenly once you start adding in that for every single category, you're going extremely over what you may have initially budgeted. And unless you came in under on every single category, then that's now suddenly putting you over. And then that becomes one of those items that, you know, towards the end of the planning process where you're just going, you know what, screw it, swipe the credit card. Yes, swipe it. And you know, that's where you end up kind of blowing out that budget. So if you factor that in from the get go, at least an average amount then or.
18:30
just one big category for gratuity at the end of it all. But however you approach it, it would be really helpful to future you to make sure that you're budgeting gratuity in for each designated category as you start figuring out who your vendors are. Because then giving them that gratuity at the end of your event is much less painful and comes from a much nicer place, I guess. Yeah, I know that you...
18:59
And I'm not sure if you still do this, I think you do, but you like can give couples these like little envelopes to help them with that tipping process and and take care of that for them and stuff. But it doesn't like the little envelopes and cash is really awesome. But Venmo is also awesome. Like, you know, even if it's something that is not if the I should say Venmo is awesome. If the person has it right, like I've had couples come up to me at the end of a wedding and say, Hey, you know, we were so great. Can we send a little something your way?
19:29
and it's not like they're carrying their checkbook on them and they surely don't have cash. So I'll say, I'll say, yep, Venmo works for me if that works for you, right? And so that's like something you have to check with them, but if you get to the end of the wedding and you're like, oh my gosh, I didn't a lot for this, or this person actually really did go above and beyond, ask them, is there a way I can tip you or something like that? Right, and that's a very, no vendor is going to be sad to answer that question. That's for sure. Yeah.
19:58
Yeah, I think it is easy to potentially forget a category only because you just have a billion things happening. You know, right? Like there's just so much going on in those final weeks and that task of making tip envelopes, you know, is one that kind of happens in the final hour oftentimes. So I think it's tricky. I think what I see kind of happen overall is that.
20:24
couple will either try to be the people that distribute the tip envelopes themselves, or they'll kind of pass it off to somebody like a honorary attendant, like a best man, a maid of honor type situation. When a couple tries to do it themselves, it just becomes so low on their, on the priority of things that is happening in their brain at that moment. I mean, they're literally getting married.
20:49
that they tend to forget until the day is over. And at that point, the cake person has already delivered the cake. Most of the band has already left. Like it's just a tough time to kind of accomplish distributing all of those tips. And or when it's a person that is an honorary attendant, like a best man, maid of honor, best person, they don't quite have the same intimate relationship with the vendors that the couple does. And that's not a bad thing. It's more that they don't know who's who to give them the correct.
21:16
envelope. So if you're like, Hey, give this to the photographer. And there's like, two photographers and three videographers on site, they're going, I don't know who to give this. Which one of you wants this envelope of thanks? You know what I mean? So it becomes a little tricky. Often, if we're involved in the wedding, I'll say like, do what is comfortable to you. I am happy to be that person that hands it out to you on your behalf that, you know, with thanks from the couple so that
21:43
It's not another checklist of something that they have to do that day. But obviously you have to have a certain comfort level with the person you're working with to say, like here is a whole several stacks of envelopes of cash, please give them to the correct people. So I recognize that that's a trust that I'm very thankful to get from my clients. But putting somebody in charge of that, I think is a really great route to go. Just make sure that you know who it needs to get to. And...
22:09
when it needs to get to that person. Because sometimes there's only a small window of time. The amount of time, Dan, when I'm handed tips, the amount of reminders I write on my timelines, on my list, on all the things. If I could write it on my assistants' faces, I would, so that I don't accidentally forget and not give somebody their tip. And I'm like, now this jerk walking home with a tip that is absolutely not mine. So, and that's like my job is to be distributing those things, so I have a bunch of reminders, so.
22:36
it's really tough for you as the couple to also have that many providers to do that thing. Love it. That feels like a really good spot to end and as usual, you are so thoughtful about this and like have a really great way of of weaving your way through like a very weird feeling subject of money and tipping and extra money and all that stuff. So as long as there's nothing else to add, will you take us out?
23:05
I always have so much to add, but so we don't make this a three hour episode, yes I will. Put a Ring on It podcast is co-hosted by wedding planner Danielle Pastanak and photographer Daniel Moyer, both based out of the greater Philadelphia area. The show is produced by DPNAK Events along with Daniel Moyer Photography. Find us on Instagram at put a ring on a podcast and don't forget to rate, review and subscribe on Spotify, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Finally, thank you so much for all of your messages, love and support.
23:34
We are and have always been cheering for you every step of the way. Until next time, ringers.